Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
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Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
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My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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