How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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