your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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