I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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