He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
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Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
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this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
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