my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
