It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
And then my night got REAL pukey
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Randomize
