I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
