u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Who did Billy Mays play for?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
