The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
