were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
