I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Randomize
