Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize