About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I pour the whiskey from now on
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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