Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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