So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Sober January is a disaster.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
