their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Randomize
