u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
