i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
