I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
