I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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