I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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