he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.