i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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