my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
