If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
