tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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