the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
