Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
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