I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
