can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Randomize
