whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
