the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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