My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
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