I heard we made out
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
