You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
