just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
