I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
