When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I need to calm my uterus...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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