I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
