So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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