dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
