Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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