I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
