we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
