can we get nightvision for the apartment?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
