I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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