I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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