his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
