hotel room ftw
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
