My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
