And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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