Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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