my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
