somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
