Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
