Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
