when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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