I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Acid is not a monday night drug
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
