Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
