Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Drunk is not a location!
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
