I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
