We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
