I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
my poor anus
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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