I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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