1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
