I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
