sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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