His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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