I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize