Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
