70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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