I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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