This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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