Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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