whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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