Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Randomize
