I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
