this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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