weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
