May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
