Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
