can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
