It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
