Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
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