but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Pooping to opera.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
