'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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