i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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