You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
